did you know that?
random text jag hittade på min dator. Hade helt förträngt den, och fattar typ inte vad den handlar om...men jag gillar den.
As the last word echoes in her head, she knows it was a mistake. She hadn´t really thought about it, any of it, but as she finishes she knows. She isn´t ready. At the same time, she realises it:
“So it´s gone, is it?” she says, resigned. “Sad.”
She can resist talking to herself, she knows she can, but it doesn´t help; she notices herself directing it to him again.
“You know what?” she says, the broken tone in her voice scaring her. “I still want you. Did you know that?”
She had never said that out loud ever before. That she wanted him. But she did. She wanted him.
“Did you know I still talk to myself? It´s the same. I have no iner demon, did you know that?” she carried on, and her voice rose alarmingly for the final. “Do you know I´m still faking all of this? I must be…”
She quietens down, falling into a shocked silence. Nothing had truly changed. Nothing ever would. The question, though, was still: did it need to change? Was it wrong to want him? Should she burn in hell? She never knew. Knows. Ever.
