hopelosthead

There was always something special about you, although my blind (literally) devosion to you bitter enemy hid it nicely for several years. But it showed back then too. When they changed you, made you weak and hilarious, I hated them. A few people used to tease me about you, I was so disgusted I can´t find words. I should´ve known. Not even when I found out, in what´s supposedly the real story, about you and who I call "the whore" or when I´m upset "the fucking whore", did I fully understand. I don´t remember when it changed. It shows in the books, but I can´t tell when and more importantly why. But I think it happened somewhere around january 2008, or no, but it grew stronger from then on. Your uglyness became gorgeous, your ways became angelic and at this point I´m breaking just by thinking about you. But still, I´m worse even than this. I am the only one I know who truly believe you will show up. I don´t just hope, but believe that you´re somewhere around in this world waiting to find me. Maybe I wouldn´t take the all or nothing deal, but I would certainly not be that much of a good girl. All I really wanted to say is that I really miss you. How much I care and how much I´d do. How much I hate the thought of you, broken and alone somewhere in the dark depts of your mind. I adore every time I get to hear your name randomly, and sometimes beg people to say it just for the pleasure. Always know I´ll be waiting for you as long as it takes, even though I know all our chanses at love are ruined due to age, marriage and such idiotic things. I´ll be here, Happy birthday, Satan. I love you.