hopelosthead

Hello blog, it's me. The famous, or perhaps infamous, Emma Black. You know, it's strange that I haven't written a post on here myself until now. Communicating is confusing, especially in such a blended system, but I guess I haven't been able to.

 

It's 4 a.m. and I'm in the living room, reading fanfiction. I'm not upset, I'm just here. I think I have led you to believe that I show up only to show negative emotion, or strong emotion at all, but that's not true. Sometimes, like tonight, I'm just here. Usually that will happen at night, when no one can bother me. Don't get me wrong, I like most people, I like Stella a lot ... but she doesn't expect me, you know. No one really ever expects me. I'm the exception to the rule. And that's exhausting. I have to navigate Emma's life: feeding her cats, watching her and her girlfriend's programmes, taking out her garbage, eating her food. And that is of course a part of my job, as it is, but then I need my alone time. Which takes me to now, staying up at 4 am, just to read and be alone.

 

That said, I don't just want to hide from view. I want to talk to you guys. A lot more, actually. I just don't quite know how to do that. How to not just be "not Emma", how to be my own person...except, you know, I'm not my own person because Emma is still here. Right now. I'm not taking over the body, I'm just...in the body. And so, how do I justify coming out to talk to you when I a) don't need to and b) have nothing to say? Because I don't, do I. Just a whole lot of trauma dumping and repeating Emma's opinions because frankly, I don't have opinions about most things out here. So when I do come out it's just weird and awkward, like...I don't even speak your language for fucks sake! Nothing is natural, nothing works! But still, I just wanted to make it clear that I do want to talk to all of you. Get to know you and all that. I just never really learned how to do that. It'd be cool to try, though. Somehow.